DEVELOPING STRONG FAMILY TIES

How we have been treated by those we love and respect can affect how we respond to others. The actions and attitudes of children toward their parents and parents toward the children can have a positive or negative effect on their own lives and those around them. How should we treat our parents, children, and even those who have authority over us?

We are continuing our study of the Book of Ephesians. This week, we are looking at Ephesians 6:1-9. Still focusing on the theme of unity, Paul delves into some controversial issues of unity. He addresses unity between generations and between social groups. How can unity be maintained among these groups?

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Let Us Inviting God’s Presence:

Holy Father, many of us have been injured by the very ones we loved or those who have authority over us. Going forward, help us not allow the hurts and pain we have experienced affect how we treat others.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Paul, addressing unity in Ephesians 6:1-9 delves into unity as it relates to family ties and even one of the most controversial issues of unity, that among social groups and classes.

 Today, we can see why this issue is important because often, in families and among social groups, selfishness and self-serving get in the way.

For instance, in 2018, people visited the Bible Museum in Washington, D.C., to see an abridged or edited Bible designed to teach the essentials of faith.

This Bible was more than two hundred years old. It was published in 1808.

But, the funny thing is, this Bible had passages missing here and there; 90% of the Old Testament was missing, and 50 % of the New Testament was missing.

Our Bible today has 1,189 chapters. This Bible had been reduced to only 232 chapters!

Any passages that could potentially provoke enslaved people to rebel against slavery had been deleted.

Why was this 1808 Bible so short? Selfishness and self-serving had gotten in the way.

During that time, Slavery was legal in America. So, the people who printed the Bible removed any verses they thought would cause enslaved people to run away or fight against their masters.

Therefore, the people who edited the Bible left only the verses they believed supported slavery.

One of these verses is Ephesians 6:5, which many people misunderstand to this day.

5 Bondservants, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in sincerity of heart, as to Christ; (Ephesians 6:5)

As Christians, how should we understand what Paul wrote in Ephesians 6:5–9?

We will address this issue in our next video, Part 4-6 of this lesson, but for now, we will look at Paul’s advice regarding maintaining family ties. How should we who still have our parents treat them?

Ephesians

(Lesson 11)

Practicing Supreme Loyalty to Christ

Part 2: Advice to Children

Using the basis of the Ten Commandments in the Old Testament, Paul in Ephesian 6:1-3 gives counsel to children, saying:

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise:

3 “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” (Ephesians 6:1–3)

Therefore, Paul admonishes children to obey their parents in the Lord. The book In Heavenly Places indicates that children are to be helpful and submissive. It says: (Dpliy)

Those who truly love God will not strive for their own way and thus bring unhappiness to themselves and to others. They will strive to represent Christ in character. —In Heavenly Places, p. 216 

Who are the children Paul is talking about? When we know the answer to this question, we will understand better Paul’s advice. The word written as “children” in Ephesians 6:1–3 in the Greek language can mean children who are young or old.

You see, In the New Testament times, children were under their father’s authority until the father was 60 (in Greek families) or until the father died (in Roman families).

The children Paul talks about are young enough to be trained by their parents, but at the same time, they are old enough to decide to follow Jesus.

We must keep in mind that Paul’s letter was to be read in the house churches in the city of Ephesus. In his letter, Paul commands children in the house churches to obey and honor their parents.

At the same time, Paul advises parents to respect their children as Jesus’ followers and include them as active participants in their worship service.

Read also what Jesus says about Children in Matthew 18:1-5 and 10 and Mark 10:13-16

 In Ephesians 6:1–3, we also learn important principles of parenting and teaching children about Jesus.

Notice what it says about the rights of children in the book Adventist Home.

Remember that children have rights that must be respected.

Children have claims which their parents should acknowledge and respect. They have a right to such an education and training as will make them useful, respected, and beloved members of society here, and give them a moral fitness for the society of the pure and holy hereafter.

The young should be taught that both their present and their future well-being depend to a great degree on the habits they form in childhood and youth. They should be early accustomed to submission, self-denial, and a regard for others’ happiness. They should be taught to subdue the hasty temper, to withhold the passionate word, to manifest unvarying kindness, courtesy, and self-control.—The Adventist Home, p. 306.

Paul’s command for children to obey their parents doesn’t suggest that children must obey their parents without question. It also says in Adventist Home that.

“If parents ask children to do something that disobeys Jesus, the children must obey God. The children must not worry about what will happen if they don’t obey. The children must trust God to take care of things.”—Ellen G. White, The Adventist Home, page 293, adapted.

Thus, Paul’s command for children to obey their parents is not absolute. When the parents’ commands “contradict the requirements of Christ,” they must obey God and be willing to suffer the consequences.

Paul finishes his advice to children by asking them to remember the fifth commandment, indicating that the Ten Commandments are important and of great significance even today.

Read Ephesians 4:1–6:9 and notice that the same principles expressed in the Ten Commandments, Paul expresses.

The point is the Ten Commandments is a source of guidance for Christian believers is evident, especially in Ephesians 4:25, 28, and Eph. 5:3–14.

In Ephesians 6:2, Paul starts his quote with, “ ‘Honor your father and mother,’ Then he adds, “which is the first commandment with promise” (Ephesians 6:2). Then he finishes his quote with, “ ‘that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth,.’”

In other words, Paul is saying: “You must respect your father and mother.” “This is the first command that has a promise with it” “If you respect your father and mother, you will live a long time, and your life will be full of many good things” (Ephesians 6:2-3, NLV).

Of course, we are aware that parents are not perfect. But the fifth tells us the way to keep strong family ties and maintain unity is to follow God’s plan for our lives, which includes honoring our parents.

Maintaining family ties is not one-sided in which the entire responsibility is left to the children. Paul also gives strong counsel to parents. What is his advice to parents? Read Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21. Then continue to Part 3: Advice to Parents.

 Ephesians

(Lesson 11)

Practicing Supreme Loyalty to Christ

Part 3: Advice to Parents

Paul in Ephesians 6:4 advises parents, specifically fathers, not to provoke their children to anger but to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Paul gives similar advice in Colossians 3:21 when he says: Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. (Colossians 3:21)

What reason does Paul give for parents not to irritate or make their children angry? 

Notice what it says in the Book The Faith I Live By:

When children lose their self-control and speak passionate words, the parents should for a time keep silent. Silence is golden, and will do more to bring repentance than any words that can be uttered. Satan is well pleased when parents irritate their children by speaking harsh, angry words…Let your calmness help to restore them to a proper frame of mind.—The Faith I Live By, p. 265.

Here is additional counsel from the Book Adventist Home, it says:

Some parents raise many a storm by their lack of self-control. Instead of kindly asking the children to do this or that, they order them in a scolding tone, and at the same time a censure or reproof is on their lips which the children have not merited. Parents, this course pursued toward your children destroys their cheerfulness and ambition. They do your bidding, not from love, but because they dare not do otherwise. Their heart is not in the matter. It is a drudgery instead of a pleasure, and this often leads them to forget to follow out all your directions, which increases your irritation and makes it still worse for the children. The faultfinding is repeated, their bad conduct arrayed before them in glowing colors, until discouragement comes over them, and they are not particular whether they please or not. A spirit of “I don’t care” seizes them, and they seek that pleasure and enjoyment away from home, away from their parents.—Child Guidance, p. 281.

The Book of Sirach was written by a Jewish man named Sirach. Many Jewish parents read this book during Paul’s day. In his book, Sirach advises parents, saying: “He who loves his son will whip him often. . . . Pamper a child, and he will terrorize you; play with him, and he will grieve you. . . . Discipline your son and make his yoke heavy, so that you may not be offended by his shamelessness” (Sirach 30:1, 9, 13, NRSV).

But Paul’s counsel is very different from Sirach’s advice. Paul warns,

“Fathers, do not make your children angry. But teach them the things children need to know, and tell them what they must not do. Teach them what Christ would teach them” (Ephesians 6:3, WE).

In Paul’s day, fathers had complete legal control over their children. Children were their parents’ property. Fathers could violently punish their children or kill them for disobeying them.

In some respects, a father had power over his children that exceeded his authority over his own servants or slaves.

But let’s not get confused; this doesn’t mean Paul is saying that owning slaves is okay. Paul is helping family members better understand how to build trusting and loving family relationships.

Therefore, Paul invites Christian fathers to think carefully about how they punish their children because if fathers make their children angry, the children may also not want to serve God.

Thus, Paul is saying to be careful how you treat your children. Parents are to be positive representatives of God to create strong family ties and maintain unity.

Listen to what it says in the Book Child Guidance:

“Fathers and mothers, in the home, you are to represent God’s disposition. You are to require obedience, not with a storm of words, but in a kind, loving manner. . . .

“Be pleasant in the home. Restrain every word that would arouse unholy temper. ‘Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath,’ is a divine injunction. . . .  “No license is given in God’s Word for parental severity or oppression or for filial disobedience. The law of God, in the home life and in the government of nations, flows from a heart of infinite love.”—Ellen G. White, Child Guidance, p. 259.

Though Paul’s advice is in the context of how parents are to deal with their children and how children are to deal with their parents, these principles are the same when we deal with each other.

Interestingly, Paul’s advice does not end with the relationship between parents and children. He addresses the relationship between slaves (servants) and masters. In today’s context, it would apply to employees and bosses.

How should employees respond to their boss, or better yet, how should the boss treat their employees?  View Part 4 in the next video: Slavery in Paul’s Day

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